Money that Binds

I'm currently in that awkward phase directly following adolescence, I am no longer preoccupied with my own self but with freedom. I'm still living at home with Mum which would be fine if I wasn't a young adult with my own life. I'm in a relationship but still sleep in the same single bed I have most of my teenage years. I still follow some rules that I'd rather I didn't have to. The struggle to achieve independence is greater now than it was in previous generations. I feel a number of us twenty somethings have been disadvantaged in life due to a change in attitude of others, such as employers, mortgage lenders and the government.

I've noticed myself slowly becoming more bitter each day. New frustrations replace old ones and the temptation to bury my head in the sand can become overwhelming. That's where my peer's come in, I'm not the only one with fears and difficulties. We all fear that our endeavours will be in vain, that we'll end up with similar lives as our parents (something that isn't all that bad when you think about it). We fear being crippled by bills and long working hours; of having to make sacrifices and being responsible for little humans.

Let's face it life is not what we grew up thinking it was, it's unfair and doesn't discriminate.

I feel this whole thing is depressing, it ain't all bad. I love who I'm with and that makes getting on with life a lot easier.

When all else fails remember your pillow is your friend.

 

Sorry about the Clutter

Work on my new project is going well; I spent much of the weekend working on my introduction. Listening to music has helped me work through writer's block, being excited about my own ideas helps with that too. My playlist goes from depressed to slightly angry to mildly contented.

 
                   Never happy, happy doesn't work for me. My protagonist is never truly happy, there's always something nagging at him, that is if he's not eating, food is happiness. You could say I've modelled him vaguely on myself. If food doesn't make a character happy its booze instead but if booze doesn't do it for them then its sex they need and so on...
Let's face it we all have vices. Mine is mostly cups of tea and pizza. Noodles and food that comes in parcels of pasta. I'm also weak against cats and anything else adorable, especially adorable men...

Everyone needs a slice of cake...

Toodles.

Start Over Again

I have a new story idea. It's exciting for me, I have my enthusiasm back.

Enthusiasm! 

I'm currently working on notes and spending a lot of my time day dreaming about possible events, then again I'm ill and my mind keeps wondering, generally towards the boyfriend and detectives. Detectives do have relevance to my work...

It's hard to believe he could pull such a pretty lady in such a "pretty" jumper vest

Plus Inspector George Gently is set in a time similar to how I image the world in my story, so sitting watching it with a cup of tea is "research". I must admit I'm a tad prematurely middle aged...

Hopefully I'll have my creative mojo back, fingers crossed and all that superstitious crap.

Good

The word 'Good', I hate it. It makes me want to scream.

Letting someone read your story is hard enough, they might not like it, they might think it needs work, but the worst response I could ever receive is that it's GOOD. People don't even know what it is exactly that makes it good, if you look up the definition...this is what you find. Definition of Good I'm trying to write something that invokes more than "It's good, I like it". I want them to talk to me about the characters, what they imagine and what they think the work is lacking. I want feedback so I can improve not have my ego mildly confused. I'm not writing to be told I'm good at it.

What am I writing?

I appreciate if anyone reads it, I imagine it can sometimes be quite painful. That's it.

Incorrigible Indecision

It's been a long time, so long that I've forgot how to use blogger, or maybe it's changed and I can't remember what it used to be like?
Anyway I'm determined to maintain my blog this time, a new name, a new picture, a new focus.

I'm so EXCITED!

I've been dealing with writer's block for the past year, hopefully rambling on about nonsense will help relieve some stress and dissolve my mental block for good, or at least a little while. My novel is currently in its third draft but it's not had much in way of progress in the last couple of months, I've been gaming and reading and focusing on whatever else is around to distract me.

Sitting watching Adventure Time all day doesn't help.

I've realised writing has started to feel like work, that might be the core problem, if I have no joy in what I'm writing my self-motivation hits rock bottom. Hence why I'm working on a new concept, but as usual my incorrigible indecision makes settling even on a characters name difficult. I'm also to busy comparing it to previous work and foolishly concentrating on the silly little details that don't matter if they happen to be repeated. Of course the main issue I have with writing is my lack of confidence, I criticise the most minute thing and obsess over it. I fear I'm a poor writer with a dull imagination, that my execution of the English language is shameful and illustrates about as much as a wet sponge.

Then some days I pull the stick out of my arse and give myself a slap with it. I tell myself to suck it up and stop being so self-destructive, it's unattractive and exhausting. I have to remember I'm not arrogant enough to believe I'm brilliant but I'm not shockingly abysmal  either, there is probably many manuscripts published that are as misguided as mine. I'm happy to be average but I endeavour to be a little above average.

I'm so full of myself.

This is where I start to worry I've admitted to much, so that's enough for today I think.